Sunday, May 06, 2007
always, all ways
maad at the red dot museum was good fun! (: despite the sweltering heat and my stuffy nose. Bought lots of interesting stuff.. and wanted to buy more but sy and sal wisely restrained me. hahah. there was this cute squishy plush toy with button eyes and a crooked smile! but it was 30 bucks.. way above my reservation price.
it was just bursting full of creative interesting items. little knick knacks.. pretty jewellery and little dogs running ard. quite a sight to behold. i even found the cute art aunty tt came down to ntu once. heh.
i love holidays.
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dreamed.at .|. 9:06 PM
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
i am hungry for truth.
cold soft warm hard blazing truth; one that permeates deep and strong
an absence of it feels..empty and unsettling. i would distrust anything that doesnt/cant seem real to me. its all or nothing. of course certain gambles have to be taken but if it looks set to be a lie, then it has to go.. painful or not.
i guess u can say im unforgiving, difficult, or an 'extremist'.
maybe. but tts how i've learnt to deal with things, and it has helped me be strong.
when i was a young girl, kept awake by certain problems that seemed huge, i would wrap myself up w the blanket like a cocoon and clutching my bolster, i would stare at the spinning fan until i fell asleep.
if the chasm was too bid for the hypnotic spinning fan, i would tiptoe to my parents' room and slip in between them. sandwiched betw their two rigid backs, i would feel safe. no problem was too big to be solved by the warmth from two solid backs. two walls of certainty, two walls tt were real, that were true.. no matter how
crazy the rest of the world seemed.
i dont know when i stopped seeking refuge between their sleeping backs, but i know that time is long gone. we cant seek refuge anywhere else but in ourselves.
things evolve, people change. and thats why i want truth.. something that is real, that is constant. something i can count on.
sure, there are people, friends here and there that we can count on, but only for a while. things evolve, people change.
how are we to find truth in a world where things are always changing. one moment something you might truly believe in, something that you feel is part of your reason for being, could change and what seemed like was real, was true..turns out to be otherwise. a lie, only masked by temporal truth.
that doesnt stop me, and i believe quite a number of others too, from seeking truth.. in the hope that maybe this 'truth' would be true. maybe there is the chance that there is something, someone you can count on to be real.. to say it like they mean it. to show it like they mean it. to be what they say they are. maybe.
after all, no matter how we try to convince ourselves, the truth that we can only count on ourselves alone is truly a tough pill to swallow.
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dreamed.at .|. 11:45 PM
Holidays are into their first week!
which means...
sitting at siglap park connector on a mon morning singing along to my ipod, waiting for the class beng to pick us for the class outing at the beach!
total casualties: 3
but other than that it was pretty good fun. we cycled/bladed for FOUR HOURS. oh my poor burnt shoulders and sore butt.
Look! i tower over the rest :D
we climbed up that thing
Qx, Tania and i
terence, joey and i. cycling trio (:
delicious dinner
pity we're all gonna split next year. its been fun mixing w these bunch of ppl.. although i did speak quite some chinese whenever im w them. (gasp) heh.
Doing projects and presentations w them, having lunch and helping each other out.. yep, its been a pretty ok first year at uni. (:
besides tt, i've been kept busy with
watching movies n shopping w maria n her brother. heh.
aaaand, joey tania and i went to queue for the raffles city doughnuts! hahah. crazy. we waited for three hrs. tts cos we arrived 2 and a half hrs before the shop was due to open. luckily we were 2nd in line tho, so we got them pretty fast. i think the poor ppl at the back waited for SIX hrs. heh. so we each bought 24 doughnuts, packed them up and delivered to our friends (: of course not before we ate one ourselves tho. the double chocolate was reallyyy gd (: worth e wait if u have absolutely nothing in the world to do.. like us! hahah. oh, the holidays are great.
oh and we payed a visit to the national museum too. lugging our doughnut boxes. photograpy exhibition by leslie kee and another one, under the cresent moon. was pretty good. the simulated a war scene not unlike samuel beckett's stuff, was pretty disturbing n we were afraid to go in at first. heh.
so now im sitting here in hall, staring at my table. the place is in a mess and im suppose to clear everything up tonight! including move back the beds to the original position. oh man. time flies.. i still remember moving in and decorating my notice board happily. putting up pictures and cards. how quickly 8 months go by. and now its deconstruction time. Pris's side of the room alr looks so bare and empty its strange. Things are gg to be different, and i'll certainly miss seeing pris in our room every week. our late night conversations, supper, sharing of clothes, and baboon (Porky J) imitations. sigh. things will be different alright.
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dreamed.at .|. 6:51 PM
Saturday, April 28th, 2007
i've just been released from the jaws of EXAMS. The past few weeks have been Hell. Rushing to and fro school w my bulging bag in betw papers to study. Days shrinking, compartmentalised into hours, minutes, seconds.. the lines betw night and day blurring. i remember sitting in the same spot while outside, light turned to dark.. frantic friends calling me up to ask qns and discuss paper ans.. and dreaming bout adhocracies, cash cows and expected values of decision trees. yep the past few wks succcccked.
my eyebags are elephantine and we were all wooozy from accumulated sleep debt and what not. i had been nursing a cold and other ailments since before the start of the exams, and it all reared its monstrous head unfortunately midway thru my last paper. So the exams culminated w me puking in the exam hall toilet wihle that dreadful stats paper was ongoing. what the hell.
thank goodness its all over! and thankfully i've had an array of supporters all this while.. who remembered my exam dates and msged well whishes, who encouraged me with sweet notes, quotes, msgs and chocolate.. and who i can call up and whine/ complain/ vent my frustrations to, and my maid brandishing brands essence too. heh. oh and not forgeting pebbles! who was by feet all the while whilst i studied.. allowing me to do stupid things to her to unwind. i recall attempting to cut her fringe, and plait her fur when i was bored. heh.
now its freeeeeedom ahoy! i intend to first shrink my eyebags and watch the phantom of the opera tonight! (:
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dreamed.at .|. 6:42 PM