Monday, March 20, 2006
bumming days(:
Today on my way home i stopped by 7 eleven, and there was this bent lady in front of me.. blocking up the queue. Apparently there's this get a disney badge promotion thing gg on n she's an avid collector.
she took out this huge disney folder n splayed it right across the counter.. there were TONS of disney badges all arranged nicely in it! the cashier n i both gasped at the same time. she wanted to get a badge she didnt have n told the woman she especially wanted 'Disney Princess' badges but was met w a curt 'Sorry aunty cannot choose'
you should have seen her.. the way she haltingly picked one fr the container, gingerly tore open the wrapper, and the way her whole face lit up when she saw she got Ariel. she flashed her toothless grin at all of us n i swear the light fr her smile ricochetted off the walls in the shop. or maybe it was just her golden tooth. heh. Then she carefully put her new badge in w the rest n began meticulously arranging them all. Till the cashier shook her head impatiently n barked 'Neeext!' did she shuffle away, holding the disney folder close to her chest.
and i had to listen while the cashier muttered under her breath about 'siao old women'
it seems like the time had come and gone when we could get excited over stuff like disney badges, get happy over ice cream or cry over a decapitated barbie. Perhaps we should all start wanting less, worrying less about the future and everything else.. n just be happy over the little pieces.. dissect these little pieces n the colours escape. but string them all tog n it becomes a whole colourful chain! (:
hahah. ok anw.. life's been pretty good.. [concg on the lil pieces here] i've been rolling around for 2 whole weeks! well almost. my well paid rest ends today.. n my new job starts thur! a 2 wk stint.. yaawn. its quite nice bumming. meandering thru the day.. doing whatever i want whenever i feel like.. watching gd movies end on end.. throwing myself into books.. snuggling in for naps.. staring at the ceiling watching the fan turn turn and turn. hypnotising. just watching the world go by n enjoying it all. mmmmmmm.(:
still, im glad this is temporary
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dreamed.at .|. 12:19 AM
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
fork
how i wish i were one of those solitary travellers i saw in Paris last year. part of the faceless crowd.. fading in the rush.. alone but not lonely, unbound by the invisible but very persistent threads of 'appointments', 'duties' and 'have-to-dos'.
On your own, having to answer to no one else. slipping in betw the bustling lives of the 'useful' people.. just blending in. like a wallflower. the past is just simply the past, memories in their place.. thought of fondly without attachment. the future is.. non existent. simply because its not here yet.. whats to enjoy is whats left- the present. same cabin, same train, same destination.. but oh so many different stories. never quite planned, never quite finished..
yeah, it would be nice to be alone in this big big world sometimes. just living in the present, responsible for yourself alone.. your life, your ideals, your consequences. no one to consider, to judge, to suggest, to advice n deliver their well meaning opinions by the truckloads. answer to yourself alright, no questions asked, nor fingers pointed.
but lets face it, no one's truly alone. we were all born sociable creatures.. with the capacity to love and the need to be.. we didnt even come to this life on our own. we were.. expelled out of the mothership by er, our mothers. hahah.
Anw my point is, as cumbersome as it might be sometimes, there are people who do care what happens to u.. n our actions do affect them. to block that all out, renounce all ties n act like u dont care in order to do what u think u want... is silly n irresponsible to both parties. we all need support n to not admit that n facing up to it would be cowardly.
still, to be influenced n look your life through the eyes of others would be cowardly. a trap.
make my decisions for me will you...
take the safe n sure path.. its more secure n would save me from the guilt should you take that leap and bruise too hard.
man, of late i feel as if there are thousands of voices yelling at me, telling me what to do.. actually there kinda are. and sometimes i cant even hear myself think anymore! which of these voices are mine? i know, but then i dont quite know. the clock is ticking.
Who exactly is the coward anw.. the idealist denying, afraid of reality.. or the one walking around with society's tag around the neck, living out society's expectations..
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dreamed.at .|. 6:50 AM
Thursday, March 02, 2006
ok its a friday today. wed has come n gone n we're all still alive! it was quite ridiculous actually.. in retrospect.. so drama. i made it a point to be sullen n stoic but it all fell through the minute i stepped into sch and saw all those people. it didnt help either, tt we met pj n the first thing she said was one person in our class might have failed gp.. n i thought there n then that i was the one! how very traumatising.
in the hall jill n i just clung to each other shaking like leaves.. not registering a word the woman on stage was saying.. w me occasionally blurting out something incoherent, frantically rejecting the calls of eager worried family members. temporary insanity it was. but no, i didnt faint or lose my head n start ramming myself into a wall. might have though if not for maria who was in front if me, appearing all cool, calm n steady. hahah.
as it is, i had to stare at the result slip a good minute n blink a few times before i registered what it said. not knowing what mr chan was babbling abt i dashed out of the door n rang my dad.. yelling YAY I DIDNT GET 3Cs! talking all fast n shrilly, the epitome of female hysteria. then my sis called n the same thing happened n it was only when i hung up to catch my breath that i realised i didnt quite know what i said to the both of them n couldnt quite remember what they said. hahah. wat a dumbdumb huh.
anw, im so terribly proud n happy for all of my frens. i guess luck and chance do have a part to play, but ultimately we reap what we sow.. n its so nice to see the hard work of my frens finally finally pay off. (: all of us did pretty ok.. i myself am kinda satisfied with my results.. its a vast improvement fr my dismal unpromising prelim grades.. heh. and its exciting to see something other than a C D E O F on my paper (: phew, wat a relief. Still, perceptions are like earth plates.. shifting as they please.. causing volcanoes and earth quakes. now all i can do is to be thankful n busy myself with the happy(?) problem of wat to do w my future.
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dreamed.at .|. 5:33 PM