Monday, March 28, 2005
woozy.
the past few days have been great. :) sat i went to town for dental n after tt my sis n i shopped ard n caught lemony snickets a series of unfortunate events! it was damn good. even tho the cinema screwed up n we watched the intro part in silence n bout quarterway thru the whole movie just switched off.. so they replayed the whole thing for us. hahah. it was splendid! the show.. quite funny in an ironic way. violet's clothes were so goth n cool man. plus the young boy, klaus was so cute. hahah. ok but tts not the point. though on the surface the movie is rather sad... n a series of unfortunate events really do take place quite unfortunately.. there is great optimism and hope in it too. i quite agree w the message of the movie. there was this part where the lil orphans built themselves a lil sanctuary, so they might find momentary joy n peace in such a troubling world. and in the end after gg thru all tt trials n tribulations they've back to square 1 n are just...moving on. 'though things might often happen in what seems like a series of unfortunate events, the boudelaire children do have each other to depend on. and that in itself is fortunate.' :) i love tt show. hahah. ok enough of it.
yeah so i slacked n had fun for like 3 outta 4 days of the 'hols' n was left w 1 day to mug for lit. hardly enough.. met sokie at woodlands lib where i waited almost an hr for her >.< where we sat on the floor n had 'intellectual' discussions bout m4m n herbet. then after tt i had to rush home for yet another family dinner. it was a haveagoodtrip dinnner as my grandparents were gg to china for a couple of wks.. hopefully my grandma can seek treatment there. sigh... i have such a great family but i dunno how to appreciate stuff. its just it shld be comfy but it feels so disjointed n awkward. like u noe how u can be surrounded by pple n yet feel lonely.. or when everyone is just so super nice to u till u feel uncomfortable. yeah.. tts how being w my family feels sometimes. uncles n aunts... their minds work too wierdly. family politics if tts possible. bahh.
anw.. cts are like finally over for me! yes. :] tho dios paper was like shit. when i saw the essay n context qn i groaned loudly n muttered shit quite loudly i think cos sokie had to hush me. hahah. but i had to do something so i just did the best i could. which is not much. :/ n dio was like standing ard chuckling to himself. apparently looking rather pleased w himself as he surveyed our bent fustrated heads. hahah. after the paper i went out w sokie to her area to shop n caught spongebob! patrick is so dumb hes cute. :) hahah. wat can i say... i like pink starfishes. w peanut underwear. hahah. bought maria n jills present too! half of it anw.
okay im beat. n theres still sch tml. groan.. why why. its back to the usual boring ol routine. cant wait for jc to be over.. n then perhaps, real life will begin? wishful thinking indeed.
toodle-00.
jill- hahah. loveya! chief nurse pakiam.
sokie- u lousy yellow sponge w holes! hahah. lets go my club swim sometime. loveya:]
cyn- hahah. yeah. abt time man. if only sch expires too.
yihui- yeah its my masterpiece! hahah. i do 'incredible' things when im high. x)
mer- hello aunty cow. ;]
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dreamed.at .|. 7:13 AM
Friday, March 25, 2005
happy! sha lalala
i feel so happy! tired but happy :] past 2days have been great. thur i went out w maria debs cyn pj sb n meera! was so fun :) we meet up kinda late..at 1plus cos i wanted to sleep in n some of the rest were in sch. ate at olio dome n rushed to catch ms congeniality 2! hahah. it was damn funny. tho maria didnt wanna move in so i had to sit next to this wierd n really scary looking man in the theathre. kept hollering w laughter n slapping the seat handle next to me n unfortunately the seat handle was spoiled so it toppled over several times n i had to fix it back wif the guy glaring at me. hahah. whatever man.. tt guy shld chill. sandra bullock really rocks. shes so cool man :) hahah. yeah then after tt we walked ard shopping. saw so many nice stuff but all were too ex n nothing tt i really like. im quite fickle.. wont spend on something unless i REALLY really like it. hahah. man.. it really felt good to be out. hadnt watch a movie since like wat...constantine. n havent shopped for ages! orchard road misses me. hahah. n yesterday i chatted on the phone w sokie till like 3am in the morn?! woah... 3hrs plus straight. hahah. n i was never once bored. :) it was so nice to engage in gossipy idle chat. :)
today my sis n i went out! bummed ard at home till like 4plus then we decided we really wanted to go holland v. hahah. but we had no idea how to so we just boarded 74 thinking it'll lead us straight there. n we got there in the end.. had not much time to shop only like 2hrs cos the shops were abt to close so we basically ran fr shop to shop maniac-like buying really pretty stuff. :) hahah. we acted like 2 gogled aunties shuffling to n fro pouncing on any good buys eagerly. yay! shopping w my sis is fun :] tho she behaves so damn chor lor. drops things here n there n yanking otahs onto the floor. hahah. oh! n on the bus back we saw this cockroach right in front of us but we stifled our screams n changed seats cooly. hahah. strong pple we are. rushed back for family dinner at my grandmas n all my cousins. it was nice :]
sigh.. so yes. i realise tt i do have stuff to be happy abt. n it was just that other day i was all blue n disgruntled n feeling all shitty cos of well..... stuff. my dad decided to go on a hol w well, a person i do like n admire but tts beside the point. its all like just empty chairs n shades n shadows. hardly came back.. hardly knew wat was gg on in our lives.. it just got me kinda down. i mean, hes physically there most of the time, but its just not the same. but he tries his best i think n perhaps i come down on him too hard too often. do i? sigh.. i dunno. its just tt im so used to a safe haven, a place of comfort i can turn to always but now its just so different n im still adjusting i guess. but little things in life tt happened ive recently rediscovered, the talks.. hugs.. frenship bracelets, old letters.. books declaring love n frenship.. have made me realise now tt no matter what pple may do or say sometimes tt causes hurt.. deep down they do care. its just tt at tt point in time they too have their own issues to deal with.. n it doesnt mean tt if they do certain things, they love u less. thanks to everyone who have unconsciously helped brighten up my life one way or another! even tho im a pretty messed up person. love<3
jill- hahahah. theres nothing wrong with pecker okay. u noe wat it means! u childish pecker.
huighee- hahah. yeah....love poems! not gibberish. oh no dont encourage her lesbian lover antics! ;]
pradz- eh? wat original one. hahah.
sokie- i shall write one soon! hahah. ok ja.... ;] loveya!
straighten up little soldier!
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dreamed.at .|. 7:45 AM
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
:)
of beavers n dustbins [meatphor for jill!]oh hail the bairy heaver!
the double bond cleaver!
through the dustbins dig
transmorgifying into a pecker!
with legs like a (hockey) stick
to 74 u go up the stupid decker
jill u pink pill
u sneaky little steal
peel the char siew pau
and smash the hashbrown
spills the pretz
wants the press
ate a meal
an undone deal
away u go u eager beaver, may the curls forever rest in ur peckers.hahah. i amuse myself sometimes. :] cant rem y i suddenly decided to write tt poem abt jill... think its cos SHE wanted me to blog. hahahah. got lots to say but im rather sleepy now. but yay! cts are OVER. well not really, still left half a lit paper. m4m n herbet.. but ive got 4 days to get started on it so no hurry.... gg out tml! i really really really feel like shopping! not i'll just combust n die. hahah. going w debs n cyn i think! :) whee. cts were messed up tho. kinda expected it.. though i did kinda study. sighh.
wouldnt it be nice if it were over.... As i mean. but i think the worst subj so far was chem. even worst than math if tts possible. hahah. ahh whatever. its done! gonna snooze now. toodle-oo!
jill- arent my poetry skills oh-so-good? bleh. hahahah.
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dreamed.at .|. 7:51 AM
Friday, March 18, 2005
how far
its like something in me just clicked. n all of a sudden the glasses darken n the storm gathers swirling n swirling picking up debris goo n gunk going so fast that all u see are black spots n lines n ur insides feel like they dont belong n it all sinks to the very tips of ur toes. then when its over, all is still n u stand there as if it didnt happen in the 1st place when slowly u rip into 2 chunks with many fragments shouting out at u and u dunno whether to scream or to keep silent to laugh or to cry to tear ur hair out or to go meditate.
yeah, i do make a lot of sense.
how far would u go for a friend? how far would u accept her stupid nonsense b4 it starts eating into urself too much? how far is too far? is kindness n patience a blessing or does it make u vulnerable?
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dreamed.at .|. 9:05 AM
Thursday, March 17, 2005
jars of glass
today sucked. actually this whole holiday just seems so sucky. its so darn boring! supposed to be mugging like a gd motivated student n all but it just doesnt work out. half the time i end up gg off on some tangent or wandering ard the house restlessly. or my cousins will come over n we'll go crazy n i'll end up having fun w them. sigh. n today was such a dull day. had cramps again n lucky i was smart n popped 2pills immediately. so..kinda slept half the day away. argh. die cramps die! having a snake chewing n gnawing on ur insides sure isnt pleasant. :(
right now it seems all the world is grey n all the colours have faded away. i just feel like something is missing.
you, perhaps? some excitement.. something to add spice to life tt seems so favourless now. must be the whole work load n getting cooped up at home n ordered to study thing getting to me.
oh shit n now the bloody bee is back! its big black n gross n has been coming for the past few nights! :( my life is full of terrifying pests! sch n exams are a big one. all the same i think i rather choose sch over a bee. hahah. stupid bee cutting my entry short. bye!
smashed into smithereens causing thousands of minute cuts.
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dreamed.at .|. 7:52 AM
Sunday, March 13, 2005
drops of jupiter in her hair.
someone once sang this song to me :)Drops of Jupiter
Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey
Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there
Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there's time to grow, hey, hey
Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol' Jane
Told a story about a man who
is too afraid to fly so he never did land Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there
na na na na na na na na na na na eh ehh.
i love this song :) it reminds me of how life shld be lived. with all ur all n wo regrets.
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dreamed.at .|. 3:24 AM
Friday, March 11, 2005
to help
it just struck me tt i may not be all tt helpful. i always thought that when someone in need comes knocking on my door, or when i see someone unhappy n stuff, i would want to help. but then i realised tt this one person has been knocking on my door for quite long silently asking for help but i havent been responding. its not tt i was oblivious, i just didnt pay enough attention. just like everyone else dont pay enough attention to her. it just like didnt occur to me. :/ anw she always seems so happy n stuff n seems so young n little..tt i expect everyone tt age to be carefree n happy n not worry abt stuff tt pple our age do. sigh, but its a touchy issue. how am i gonna help her? just hope she noes tt when she needs it she can approach me.
anyway. yest was the last day of term 1! oh man. times passing way too fast again. went to coro to eat w jill after sch cos everyone bailed out on gg holland v to shop. we went to eat fish n chips at prince n we were laughing the whole time at -i forgot wat- till she made my rubber bands snap! think shes cursed or someting. rubber band hazard. hahah. oh then jill made a bet tt i wont be able to finish my food. hahah. so i became super determined to finish my food cos i so did not want to lose the bet n do tt horrifying thing tt i'll have to do. n i finally did! after a long time. hahah. dont make bets w me man! i almost always win. heheh:) yeah so jill has now got to.......xxxxxxx. its for ur own good ok! i did it for u. ;)
hahah. im so happy! when out w dad n my (kinda) family to j8 after cca today n bought this new superb pretty cute lovely sweet swatch watch! :D its stripes w red yellow silver white strap n a pink face! :) so nice. i wanted to pay for half of it outta my allowance cos it was quite ex but my dad said no need. :) feel so blessed. its little things like that tt can make ur day. sis got a watch too. but hers is blue n white n its fr adidas. its the sporty kind. i must say we've got quite diff taste. hahah.
so next wk is holiday. a study holiday more like it n i'll be having some pple over for mugathon sessions. boy, how appealing. :/ hahah. oh well, but i rather study w frens not i'll just fall asleep.. its just too darn boring. okay, have a great hols ya all! n study hard but smart too! ta ta.
loon: hey bo bo face's sis. hahah. sorry i knocked u on the nose during pe hockey. :/ must be the effect of the macho shirt. hahah. take care! n i'll be willing to pay for ur plastic surgery. u just have to wait 10 yrs till i earn enough. haha ;)
maria: we didnt pang seh u la! anw, rem next wed ah. we'll be chemsters tog. hahah.
jill: u live for urself too! :) n look me up, chief nurse, if u wanna do the child sch thing n we'll ring pe teacher xt n sch mascot barney sharmila! hahahah.
sokie: poof! hold ur rigid boys! hahah. n stop day(rren)-dreaming k. hahah ;)
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dreamed.at .|. 10:32 PM
Monday, March 07, 2005
live strong.
just heard tt another one of my distant relatives just died. but im not tt close to them so im not much affected by it. its just troubling n scary.. the way someone can just poof like tt. he died suddenly of a heart attack wo any heart problems n stuff. the poor kids. only our age. sigh. the past 2 yrs have been dotted by unexpected deaths in the family. constantly reminds me that i should make the most out of what i have now. so whenever im really stressed out w everything or just totally bummed. this serves as a reminder tt life is frail n u might just lose everything at once. so im determined to live for myself.
tired of speculation n hesitation n pple trying to hold u back n force u into the dull mundane routines of life. im tired of pple sticking tabs on me n having certain expectations of me. fitting me into certain roles n try n make me grow out tt way.
'go take science u have a better future! go into biomed research, prospects are great!' do this do that! i shall just do what i deem best for me, cos life is short. imagine working urself half to death, stressing urself out over a piece of result slip, feeling inadequate n blahblah. n then suddenly poof. ur life just extinguishes like tt. n wat have u achieve but text book knowledge, stress, n a whole lot of pimples. oh god. if only i had this foresight i would perhaps be studying wat i like. instead of being forced to conform n twist n turn to satisfy him n the 'economy wants' wat a whole load of shit. oh welll. its too late for change now anw. i'll deal w the path i chose to take n come next yr i'll be free to pursure wat i want. n wat if im told the path i choose is 'totally impractical n would get me no where in life(monetarily)?' i wont care. im not gonna live for money. i just want to do wat i want. live for myself n pursue my own dreams. cos the clock is ticking n when i drop dead, i want to be able to say tt i've lived for myself n had a life well lived.
some people tip toe through life.avoiding the unexplored terrainafraid to look up at the dark clouds n so miss the rainbow behind it.some people tip toe through life.going through life as a routineonly to arrive at death safely.n then what? i so dont wanna do that.
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dreamed.at .|. 5:20 AM
Saturday, March 05, 2005
downtrodden.
hahah. we got our cl results back yest! yeah... i sucked. but its expected la.. after all the rubbish utter useless cl lessons we had in class last yr. was quite relieved i didnt fail.. but now come to think of it im kinda disappointed. oh wells. what can i expect anw? its chinese. hahah. just glad i dont have to take FOREVER! :) seniors got back their As yest too. man it was so freaky. even tho it wasnt us we were getting freaked out anw. hahah. just think, it would be us just next yr! ahhh. -screams. haha. sharm, xt, jill, hg n i were sitting in the canteen while the results were being released n worrying for the j3s. then after results were released we were kaypoh n decided to walk thru the hall to see how they did..on the pretense tt we were looking for mrs chew. the atmosphere there still seemed pretty tense even tho the results were out alr. saw all kinds of reactions. hysterical laughter n tears alike. we were all like kinda freaked out. hahah. n jill kept saying can we go now can we go now. oh mann. saw my senior n she was chattering happily on the phone n she stopped to tell me tt shes quite happy n tt i must start working hard NOW. hahah. great. i feel so much better. :/ after tt we all felt oh so motivated. ha ha. hope its lasts. its just scary this whole Alevel business. SIGH. n lately ive seen more n more great muggers in action. -shudders.
today after cca, loon n i went to j8 for crystal jade lunch! yummm. :) n she dumped our dim sum into the cup of water b4 we left! hahah. crazy girl ;] the waitress thought we were crazy. then we walked ard j8 for awhile doing speed shopping. sigh.. i miss shopping. lately dont have much time to shop :( cant wait for hols then i can go shopping! hopefully.. argh. stupid common tests. then followed my sis all the way to jurong east for her violin exam. sheesh. had to cab there cos my dad was too busy playing mahjong to fetch her. :/ oh well.. what can i say.
mer- okay, i blogged abt u. happy? :)
jill- u crazy hairy beaver! peckpeck. hahah. u develop the pics first ok! then i will artistically arr them in our pretty photo album. :]
theo- hahah. congrats on ur gd cl grades! wo bu ke yi jiang hua yu one lor! hahah.
sokie- heheh. actually i didnt fix the music by myself. but still... its fixed! nice rite :)
pradz- i love the food at nydc. good n... expensive. yum. or maybe sakae sushi! heheh. u are so gonna owe me man. :D thanks for helping fix the music btw. even tho it took more than an hr.
huiming- hey! glad u can see it now. :] u shld change to blogspot soon...
pris- hey! meet up during march okay? love ya :)
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dreamed.at .|. 6:05 AM
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Remember
Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
-Christina Rossetti (1830-1894)
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dreamed.at .|. 8:31 AM