Friday, January 14, 2005
what theyve all not saying.
so another wk has passed. schs alright actually... lots of laughter in betw lessons n all. :)
well while everything is more or less gg on fine, im sick of playing pretend. there are several issues i have to confront..unpleasant or not. but i just dunno how to deal with it all anymore. its just so difficult. i rather just be me actually but its hard when u have to watch this n that. n when others just do not want to budge either way. sheesh. :/ sometimes its easier not to care. its easier to be numb n not think so much. just
live life in the moment.
small steps.
all i can do is just do what i can n if nothing works then i wont fall all over myself for it. i can bend forwards n backwards, put my interests n any discontent aside for the sake of better things but i cant compromise my beliefs. must be true to myself. my conscience is clear.
i shant live in tt world of make believe anymore..tho others continue to play the game. to hell with facades n appearances.
Despite these minute[not so] issues, theres lots to be thankful for! this wkend is gonna be fun filled :) hope everyone has fun too! ciao.
no one can make you unhappy without your consent.
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dreamed.at .|. 7:48 AM
Friday, January 07, 2005
man im tired. haha. this wk has been so eventful tt i feel too lazy to blog it all down. so i shall keep it short n sweet. :)
today was a slack day! didnt even have a single lesson.. apart fr pe. which was not v slack actually. after like 2 months of not excersising i almost died! haha. did like dunno how many rounds n dunno how many crunches n some other wierd excersises. i forsee crippling muscle aches tml. can even feel the effect alr now. haha. yeah yeah i noe im weak.. but pe was seriously damn tiring.. n i bet its gonna be worst. like ms lim said, 'its gonna be a long 4 months.' oh man. why cant we just take the stupid nafa test n be done with it?! grr.
so anw, we met up w our junior class today. they were a nice jolly bunch. rather enthu n noisy... haha. not bad :) shld be quite fun to have ard in sch. not tt we'll be seeing them tt much tho.. haha. played some dumb icebreakers like bingo n blowwindblow.. n somehow i dunno why but during the bingo forfeit this j1 guy had to ask someone to dance n he just bounced over n pointed at me! of all pple..... man am i lucky or wat? haha. n tt jill was not helping...she kept howling w laughter n tried to push me out. sheesh. but it was ok la. didnt do much anw.. n everyone was so sporting. teddy too. heheh. oh n everyone
keeps insisting tt my sis n i look alike! but
we dont.. i dont see why.. really cant see the resemblance at all. haha. she is like shorter [by a lot!] n her voice is lower.. n louder. n yeahh...we just look DIFFERENT. hmph. so there. hahah :)
well so after being formally intro-ed to our junior class n after a torturous pe session fr hell..we were forced to head down to bukit timah to be culturally mapped >.< spilt into grps. each grp had a mix of ips, j1s n us j2s. we basically just wandered ard n made feeble attempts at finding wat w supposed to do n at the same time do some window shopping. haha. it was SO lame. n to think we have to do it till august! [accdg to some ne reps] well, guess it does beats being cooped up in an agonising math/chem tutorial though.. haha.
ohh n how could i forget! some of us brought our lovely sec sch Us to sch today.. but didnt manage to wear it for long. :( i saw jill n lihang wearing theirs n got tempted to wear my cedar one too. but hui ghee couldnt cos she was ct rep so vidz n i went to change. so cool! really miss the cedar u.. grey is so -yuck- on me.. haha. but oh well, might as well blend in w the walls while im in nj rite. haha. yeah so we went back to class n then barely 20 mins after i changed, SP appeared at our doorway n jill n i started panicking. haha. luckily xt sharm n others all stood up n tried to block us.. then jill started stripping n she changed so fast! stupid pinofore so convenient. so i started changing hurriedly too..flinging the tie away..n tt disagreeable terra tee was backwards so i had to twist n do all sorts of gymnastics-like turns to wriggle my way in. haha! hilarious...! thank goodness ive mastered the art of changing discreetly n quickly in cedar. :) n then suddenly after tt she was gone. n jo n the rest were like looking at us astounded..like how did we change so fast n get away w it? hahaha. so funny. but damn. of all class rooms why must she come to ours?! bahhh.
so wasted. hahah.
after cultural mapping, maria, debs, cyn, pj, meera, shubei n i went to ps to shop! haha :) was quite tired alr but i still went anw. we walked ard trying on stuff n
just shopping. felt gooood. as if we've got nothing else in the world to do other than shop n shop n slack ard. haha. yeah i noe its just a temporary illusion..but what the heck :)
then came home. slacked ard..went down to the other house for dinner w cousins.. n as usual did our retardly dumb stuff tt was stupidly fun n funny. heheh. yay wat a great day today! so slack fun n nice! :)
okay.. my sis just came back fr orientation all sweaty, stinky, grimey n w charcoal spots all over her. haha. she claims shes got lotsa interesting
stuff to tell me. heheh. we'll see...
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dreamed.at .|. 6:46 AM
Sunday, January 02, 2005
a whole new year.
whooo. 2004 is no more but in memories now... 2004 was tough... with fitting into SA, n then NJ. n having to deal with a whole lot of family stuff.. but it all turned out ok:] im thankful for lots of things..but most of all im thankful for the simple joys in life n everyone tt has contributed to it. afterall, its the little things in everyday life tt matters the most yeah? good n bad, everything in life is a learning experience:] still, i'll miss 2004. at least i knew wat was in it. im comfortable w 2004. you noe wat i mean? 2005 is a whole new yr.. filled w uncertainties, unexpected stuff... n ups n downs aplenty i can bet. esp with the looming big As.. hohoho. oh well, come what may! i'll make the best out of it. whatever 2005 brings.. i'll have what it takes n do wat i can to deal with it. yeahh! haha.
i spent the last of 2004 at the temple. was there at the retreat the whole day. it was a cool experience.. brought back lotsa memories. good n bad. n during the blessing session at the end. the lamas on stage recognised me. haha. n this lama grinned n said something to me but couldnt quite catch it. haha. was nice to know tt they remembered me fr last yr n all. i wonder why... probably cos char n i kept giggling n dozing off. heheh. n prob cos we were one of the few young girls there. retreat ended abt 10 plus at nite. n char n i went to talk to the lamas n stayed in the temple w my aunts n uncles till the new yr arrived with a long gong. literally. 108 gongs on the big bell to be exact. haha. was standing there.. amongst a huge crowd of pple, lamas n monks. the lotus candles glittering under the night sky n the temple brightly litted. all there to welcome the new yr n to make aspirations. it was cool. i like the feeling i get when i attend temple events. it brings back memories, makes u feel all hopeful, comfortable n warm. like we've all in this tog.. surrounded by love. :) things just feel so complete. then when the gongs receeded. all started cheering..hungs were exchanged n hands were shaken warmly. we all made our aspirations for the new yr n lit a lotus candle, placing it amongst the rest..each lighted w hope for a great yr ahead. i used to hate gg to the temple every yr. i mean... why go there when i could be partying elsewhere? but then, the past yrs..n stuff tt had happened made me realise theres more to life than just the little pleasures u get fr partying n having fun. there is still faith hope, n the larger purpose in life tt must be recognised n worked towards to. yeahh... so i guess next yr, n the next n the next. it'll be peaceful temple scene for me n no havoc countdown parties. haha.
okay, sch starts tml. heres a toast to a beautiful n blessed yr ahead! :D
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dreamed.at .|. 5:34 AM