Friday, April 28, 2006
i prefer the occassional,i prefer the taste of the wind..sometimes i do. i wish i could not care a hoot bout anything n just live here and now... uninhibited n unrestricted. take the body for example. its a kind of cage..
i wish i didnt have a body.. its troublesome. then my solid imagination and i can balance on rooftops, leap from chimney to chimney gracefully and bounce to and fro from the clouds and tree tops. or i can dive into the ocean n swim amongst the whales n pretty fishes.. wo having to worry bout oxygen tanks or wrinkled skin or the whale accidentally crushing me with its big big body.
yet we human beings tend to tie ourselves down.. we want to. i want to. like now, i could be outside running along the spore river breathing in its tangy scent singing at the top of my voice.. but im in a grey cubicle just like tons others here pretending to be hard at work. hahah. and whyyy. cos i choose to... but whyyy...cos my dad wants me to... why do i bother? cos i supposedly love him... n yes i do want to love him. so everyones restrained cos they choose to love and to be loved. kinda masochistic huh.
but then again thats too negative a view. whats life wo love albeit all the 'constraints' it brings? and if one chooses freedom over these constraints.. then one's not ready to love or be loved i guess. and like some guy in measure for measure said... too much freedom can turn to restraint and is in itself a restraint too. restraint too can also turn into freedom.
hehhh. does that all make sense? im like some muddled rubber ducky bumping ard.
okay back to those figures n invoices. yaaaaawn.
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dreamed.at .|. 12:26 AM
Thursday, April 20, 2006
wow my 2nd wk of bumming just fleeeeeeew past! its been pretty splendid. but who knew bumming could be so tiring? heh.
my days have been filled with lazy hazy mornings, afternoon outings n much night time tv. some days are spent languorously.. rolling ard w a gd book.. then heading down somewhere to lunch w someone n catch up over gd food.. some are spent rushing ard trying to do too many errands n meet multiple ppl all at once..
yep this few days have been alright.
i remember snuggling up on couches in the library w chew, flipping through magazines gawking at gaudy designer gowns n sniggering at odd looking 'fashionistas'.
i remember settling down to A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, n then drifting slowly off to sleep.. waking to the sound of soft music n a clear sweet voice floating fr the not so sound proof practice rooms.. and to the sight of a boat chugging slowly across the singapore river. n wondering what it must be like to be in the boat.. to be part of such a wonderful picture.
And of course, happy lunch time date w siti suuue. where we did some frantic much needed catching up in betw snapping up plates of sushi. hehh. i still miss youu!
then there was NJ. decievingly similar.
seems like nothing much has changed.. just different faces.. different sounds of laughter n chatter that float down the halls.. went w jill to nus to submit her portfolio. so cool lah, to be able to stand outside the sch of medicine n act like ur supposed to be there... heh.
And then another happy meal date w ching where we again attempted to do serious catching up n condense the past few wks of our lives into a conversation. hahah. (:
dropped by the temple to help paint boards for vesak day carnival too.. must say it looks pretty nice..paint splattered we were but victorious we emerged! heh. right, we just have lots more to go..
caught barney at bugis too! w our respective teddys n tinas. :D
arent i such the lucky bum? heh. i intended to rest this whole week away... but who can resist the company of such great ppl (: plus im starting work agaaaaain next tue.. man. there never is enough time to do everything huh. hopefully i'll recover the chunkkk of money i spent this wk!
yay im tired. n its a happy kind of tired (:
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dreamed.at .|. 6:29 AM
Sunday, April 16, 2006
oh, what's so fine, dear,As a day of sunshine.The storm is past at last.The sky is blue and clear.its heartening to know how many little angels there are around to be found. when u're tired, smothering in ur venom, frantically n somewhat vehemently building up blocking walls.. they slip unexpectedly behind you n just pat u on the head. or like the little hand, that slowly creeps into yours; startlingly reassuring, when you are blinded by everything else.
Despite shit happening, i feel good because i've realise thru this shit that a lot of people do care for me and i've realised that there's always something, someone.. to help to listen to care if you know where to look for it. sometimes we're so caught up in ourselves and our affairs that we fail to realise the fact that there are other ppl ard who do want to be let in n help if we would only let them. Being the stubbornly independent thing i am this comes harder but it felt nice this time (:
how gratifying. perhaps its not that hard after all.
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dreamed.at .|. 9:27 PM
Thursday, April 06, 2006
anotherbend
so..... i've just turned down two jobs.. yeah even though i've alr finished the 1 wk stint at my latest job and am jobless now.. i just said farewell to 800plus plus dollars! man tt was tough... but i cant complain. im exchanging money for my freedom! why not let money buy freedom... since it works in this case.
yeah so im freeeeeeee! no more stifling 9 to 5 jobs. inane filing n heavy duty hole punching. no more pantry small talk n jamming coffee machines and having to position my head in a certain angle so i can get some sneaky shut eye.
i've certainly learnt a few stuff abt working life... like if ur a sales girl, always always smile. even if it kills you.. the next person who comes along might very well be searching for a vacuum cleaner n happen to have 299 in their pocket.
but, if ur an admin assistant.. or clerical officer (wat a dumb name) try not to smile too much.. it invokes suspicion. yeahh.. stupid right, ppl were suspicious of me at first cos i smiled. i found out cos my ex colleague asked me why i was 'always happy' n said she was disconcerted at first.. heh. yeah ppl just arent tt frenly at work.. to protect themselves. and there's always some form politics gg on.. even a poor clerical officer like me get dragged into. hehh. but my colleague frens are all essentially gd ppl lah.. n its been interesting listening to them talk abt nappy rash (if they're young mothers) or sports car engines (the young men) or exchanging ideas on how to make more money.. n where to buy the best mysterious kueys in spore.. etcetc. quite funny really..
im gonna miss working tho.. some parts of it. it
feels important. gives me the feeling that im
doing something.. when actually im not doing anything that great. just earning money. heh. i mean its great to meet adults and new ppl n stand amongst them n feel whoaa im part of this whole working thing.. but seriously, how interesting can data entry n filing be? aft a while its all the same. hell, after 5 mins n im bored.. its nice observing the ppl at work n talkg to them.. n walk into places like the city hall toilet n see tons of office women crowding the mirrors touching up on their make up n drowning themselves in perfume. hahah. quite comical. all these little experiences tog make working interesting.. n it was nice. but a good chunk of the yr has passed.. 3 whole months! and i want a change. not really a change of job.. but a whole change of lifestyle.. something different...
i want to meander through the days like an unchatered river.. n just bury myself in books n doing whatever i like as n when i please! i want to spend my time doing other things... and knowing other things.. instead of just working for money.. i'll let money work for me a bit. yay so exciting! a jobless life aft 3 months of work n 3 jobs is like an adventure. and in a months time i'll be gg to germany. its all gonna be glorious. (: life is like all about choices n its up to us to grab them n make the most of it.. its so cool. for once in my life, im totally in charge of my own life! yeahhh (:
oh oh n look! new template! hahah. thanks to
MARIA my fav PARIAH. heh. ur right... wat would my blog do wo uuu? :D
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dreamed.at .|. 3:54 AM