Destiny spinning a parachute flower to seed

Friday, September 29, 2006

home made plastic mat (stapled by jills dad), a couple of dusty candles, gooood fooood, 3.80 squishy cheesecake, marshmallows n bday candles, the occassional squeaky rat, nice scenary and plenty of good cheer makes a great gathering! (:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JILLY E**ECTN BOB :D

hahah. it was fun... makes me miss those jc days again. oh well. An impossible amt of work, projects, presentations and a test gives one big black eye rings n lots of bruises. yeah, running to and from hall rushing for projects has resulted in me banging into walls pillars tables n bed side drawers n getting lots of bruises. Recess wk is bad for health! Its just for professors to gleefully dish out work while THEY rest. Still, i wish it werent nearly over.. its been nice to stay at home more this week.. w my sis n pebbles hanging ard.. my nice comfy bed n u shape pillow.. n watch my dad fight w pebbles over the precious turkish carpet of his which pebbles thinks is hers. hahah. oh well, easy come easy go. I shall look forward to dec end of sem hols! and omit the oct exams fr my memory temporarily.

.|. dreamed.at .|. 5:38 AM

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

because i love you

i wish you were here
solidly, or in spirit

i chucked it away
and slit its gnawing throat

i give
and receive

i guard you with it
raw in its splendour

i swallow
and not judge

i let you go
but going stay

because i love you
i wish i didnt, like the way i do

you, you and you.

.|. dreamed.at .|. 4:46 AM

Friday, September 22, 2006

long entry ahead!

And so.... its recess week. wow tt means 1/12 of my uni life is over... if i calculated tt right. heh. isnt it scary.. the way time flips spins and whizzes out the door. one moment u are doing hokkien cheers feeling like a retard and the next u are dragging ur bags out of hall home for mid term break. So now what stretches ahead are tons of tutorials, readings, projects, presentations, reports, assignments and essays.. n at the same time fun beach outings, shopping trips, n all the things i love to do are all calling for me. how does one do that all in one wk n still keep sane?

Uni life's been like that. busy busy n one big blur.. a big race to do everything, fr hanging out w friends aft class, to hall stuff...n scrambling to keep up w readings n tuts n the over zealous business ppl who are freakishly focused. heh. Understanding n internalizing new concepts w blurry eyes n a sleepy woozy head is no mean feat. So is tossing in bed trying to descend into hazy elusive sleep while loud laughter drifts along the corridors or when a gaggle of guys suddenly appear at ur door banging hard n hooting excitedly like a bunch of baboons waving a suspicious video recorder at 2am. tt left my roomie and i terrified n crouching in the dark for quite a while.. heh.

Its come to a point when its sheer chaos, n the days fold into each other (to put it nicely) w all sorts of obligations n work getting tangled up in betw. Its like this pendulum alternating betw fun n stress. extremities. Thats it.. uni ppl are in every way extreme. but most things dont thrive under extreme conditions. they grow sporadically n become mutants tt go beep beep n explode suddenly. And a mutants not what i want to be. So, much as how rushed n squashed this one wk breaks gonna be.. im glad for it so i can attempt to stop the pendulum fr swinging too much.

the thing i realise bout hall ppl, or most of us adapting in a new env such as this, is that we're often sucked into this PP hole. the suctions pretty strong so only a person who's substantially solid can resist it or climb out of it. and tho we're always busy or busying ourselves w activities n obligations n ppl.. it doesnt stop the sense of isolation that permeates the halls at times. And increasingly, esp in the days leading up to recess wk.. i've seen the faces of my friends getting more haggard n eye rings darker.. n amongst them mine too. Real lasting happiness comes fr within, not from anyone nor any false sense of belonging to any group.

so here's my declaration:

much as i would love gg out for midnight suppers, hanging ard aft class chitchatting for hours while we browse at mini marts, crashing each others halls, gg to ice skate, watching movies on laptops, or in the courtyard w free popiah n all... i cant do everything n go for everything. somethings got to give. and its def not gonna be my work, rest or my own time anymore.(:

Im glad i have heaving lawn mowers like jill (who wants special mention) n a few others i can count on to root me when the ground beneath me feels like its slipping.

Random quote fr a niiiiiice movie, The Family Man:

Jack: We have a house in Jersey. We have two kids, Annie and Josh. Annie's not much of a violin player, but she tries real hard. She's a little precocious, but that's only because she says what's on her mind. And when she smiles... And Josh, he has your eyes. He doesn't say much, but we know he's smart. He's always got his eyes open, he's always watching us. Sometimes you can look at him and you just know he's learning something new. It's like witnessing a miracle. The house is a mess but it's ours. After 122 more payments, it's going to be ours. And you, you're a non-profit lawyer. That's right, you're completely non-profit, but that doesn't seem to bother you. And we're in love. After 13 years of marriage we're still unbelievably in love. You won't even let me touch you until I've said it. I sing to you. Not all the time, but definitely on special occasions. We've dealt with our share of surprises and made a lot of sacrifices but we've stayed together. You see, you're a better person than I am. And it made me a better person to be around you. I don't know, maybe it was just all a dream. Maybe I went to bed one lonely night in December and I imagined it all. But I swear, nothing has ever felt more real. And if you get on that plane right now, it'll disappear forever. I know we could both go on with our lives and we'd both be fine, but I've seen what we could be like together. And I choose us.

Jack btw is this guy who became rich n successful in the monetary sense when he left his hometown for wat he wanted (or thought he did) and he's suddenly transported back to the life of his other self, the one who decided to stay behind n take a chance at life here w Kate.

cool right! its shows like this that silences the cynic doubtful 'money is everything survival is key' voice in me.. n reminds me to take chances.. n not calculate life like how i would w predicted interest rates. Cos as shown in the movie, life really would be empty even w big houses gd food n cars.. wo the simple joys tt stem fr love, hope and believing.

.|. dreamed.at .|. 7:40 AM

Friday, September 15, 2006

snaps snaps

im in a pictures mood!

Heres some of s23! our picture on the colourful wall of pitstop cafe.. we went there to.. celeb sb's advance bday or sth i think. hahah.

And this is sirius. my nbs camp grp. hahah. we're doing another one of our retarded things.

And this is dear loony sb and i. sister of bo bo face n ardent fan of a certain lanky bearded man who dances while he conducts. heh. she's gonna be in germany soon. the land of the worlds best n cutest football players.

Sy me and sally! they came to my hall to visit me one fiiiine day n also helped to tidy it up a bit. heh (:

Na my tall lanky model quality cousin, me and my sis at the beach family picnic. hahah (:

pris and i at hall 3's dnd. we're supposed to be pirates but i misplaced my eye patch aft a while.

some of sirius girls at zh's 21st bday party. look how long blackie shaun's arms are! hahah. he's our cgl for nbs camp.

there's more pics but im sick of digging them up for now. another time then (:

.|. dreamed.at .|. 7:22 AM

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

wed nights are my fav time of the week. all the stress n flurry builds up frighteningly high till then and then receeds.. for a while anyway. Wed 530 to be exact.. is when i bounce happily out of the cold arid finance seminar room (which really reminds me of a mortuary w its death strikes n solemnity) cos all my major lessons for the week are over! of course there's still a pile of work n tests to study for waiting for me.. but the urgency of it fades into the backgrd for a while.. esp on wed eveings (:

yeah so uni life has been fun.. socially. i wont say my modules are much fun tho. except when we're doing amusing things like programming robots to kill each other or when im sniggering over stupid phrases in my textbook like 'determine the tightness of this distribution' or the once a wk lit lects w e giggly ilovebede jill. we had to draw a cockroach in lit class! hahah. n the one i draw looked too cute n unbecoming for a cockroach which in actual fact is a hideous monstrous insect. most of the time tho.. during work consists of me trying valiantly to make my trial balance balance.. n understand e inner workings of the twisted alien financial market. YAWWWN. Apart fr the stress.. sch life can be called fun i guess. with diff grps of ppl i suppose i can call frens to eat with.. save me a seat.. share funny stories w.. do work w.. whine to.. go mad food shopping with.. n sometimes count on. having said tt, uni life is all bout independence too.. we have to learn to be responsible for ourselves cos few will look out for u.

its all been a huge big rush... this first month of uni.. n im still bumbling along the path trying to keep up w everything.. adapting to new experiences n all.. but so far everythings alright. its all part of a long journey anw.

.|. dreamed.at .|. 7:49 PM