Friday, September 22, 2006
long entry ahead!
And so.... its recess week. wow tt means 1/12 of my uni life is over... if i calculated tt right. heh. isnt it scary.. the way time flips spins and whizzes out the door. one moment u are doing hokkien cheers feeling like a retard and the next u are dragging ur bags out of hall home for mid term break. So now what stretches ahead are tons of tutorials, readings, projects, presentations, reports, assignments and essays.. n at the same time fun beach outings, shopping trips, n all the things i love to do are all calling for me. how does one do that all in one wk n still keep sane?
Uni life's been like that. busy busy n one big blur.. a big race to do everything, fr hanging out w friends aft class, to hall stuff...n scrambling to keep up w readings n tuts n the over zealous business ppl who are freakishly focused. heh. Understanding n internalizing new concepts w blurry eyes n a sleepy woozy head is no mean feat. So is tossing in bed trying to descend into hazy elusive sleep while loud laughter drifts along the corridors or when a gaggle of guys suddenly appear at ur door banging hard n hooting excitedly like a bunch of baboons waving a suspicious video recorder at 2am. tt left my roomie and i terrified n crouching in the dark for quite a while.. heh.
Its come to a point when its sheer chaos, n the days fold into each other (to put it nicely) w all sorts of obligations n work getting tangled up in betw. Its like this pendulum alternating betw fun n stress. extremities. Thats it.. uni ppl are in every way extreme. but most things dont thrive under extreme conditions. they grow sporadically n become mutants tt go beep beep n explode suddenly. And a mutants not what i want to be. So, much as how rushed n squashed this one wk breaks gonna be.. im glad for it so i can attempt to stop the pendulum fr swinging too much.
the thing i realise bout hall ppl, or most of us adapting in a new env such as this, is that we're often sucked into this PP hole. the suctions pretty strong so only a person who's substantially solid can resist it or climb out of it. and tho we're always busy or busying ourselves w activities n obligations n ppl.. it doesnt stop the sense of isolation that permeates the halls at times. And increasingly, esp in the days leading up to recess wk.. i've seen the faces of my friends getting more haggard n eye rings darker.. n amongst them mine too. Real lasting happiness comes fr within, not from anyone nor any false sense of belonging to any group.
so here's my declaration:
much as i would love gg out for midnight suppers, hanging ard aft class chitchatting for hours while we browse at mini marts, crashing each others halls, gg to ice skate, watching movies on laptops, or in the courtyard w free popiah n all... i cant do everything n go for everything. somethings got to give. and its def not gonna be my work, rest or my own time anymore.(:
Im glad i have heaving lawn mowers like jill (who wants special mention) n a few others i can count on to root me when the ground beneath me feels like its slipping.
Random quote fr a niiiiiice movie, The Family Man:
Jack: We have a house in Jersey. We have two kids, Annie and Josh. Annie's not much of a violin player, but she tries real hard. She's a little precocious, but that's only because she says what's on her mind. And when she smiles... And Josh, he has your eyes. He doesn't say much, but we know he's smart. He's always got his eyes open, he's always watching us. Sometimes you can look at him and you just know he's learning something new. It's like witnessing a miracle. The house is a mess but it's ours. After 122 more payments, it's going to be ours. And you, you're a non-profit lawyer. That's right, you're completely non-profit, but that doesn't seem to bother you. And we're in love. After 13 years of marriage we're still unbelievably in love. You won't even let me touch you until I've said it. I sing to you. Not all the time, but definitely on special occasions. We've dealt with our share of surprises and made a lot of sacrifices but we've stayed together. You see, you're a better person than I am. And it made me a better person to be around you. I don't know, maybe it was just all a dream. Maybe I went to bed one lonely night in December and I imagined it all. But I swear, nothing has ever felt more real. And if you get on that plane right now, it'll disappear forever. I know we could both go on with our lives and we'd both be fine, but I've seen what we could be like together. And I choose us.
Jack btw is this guy who became rich n successful in the monetary sense when he left his hometown for wat he wanted (or thought he did) and he's suddenly transported back to the life of his other self, the one who decided to stay behind n take a chance at life here w Kate.
cool right! its shows like this that silences the cynic doubtful 'money is everything survival is key' voice in me.. n reminds me to take chances.. n not calculate life like how i would w predicted interest rates. Cos as shown in the movie, life really would be empty even w big houses gd food n cars.. wo the simple joys tt stem fr love, hope and believing.
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dreamed.at .|. 7:40 AM