Monday, June 26, 2006
Your grass is green too
What was two years.
A desperate bid to stay on the map of life? or perhaps just plain obstination that helps the dubious pill of denial go down. Maybe it was the complacency tt comes w us humans, the assured air that makes us struggle to still keep our head up.. and look the monster in the eye. even as it gets harder and harder, and slowly takes the light out of our eyes. Yes, that which make ppl recklessly hopeful, foolishly optimistic.. despite facts not justifying any of it. An ant all geared to take on the alps.
And for what? Two years. What should be in this assured persistent struggle, this glorious fight to only end in disquiet. All frantic scramblings, foolish hope and reckless optimism to be silenced by a-
The veins, they're closed. Uttered shakily but with the weight of a tomb.
Two years, brief but there. Brief but brimming w hope. Foolish reckless hope but nevertheless, hope. Without which, these 2 years would not have happened. Without which, there would be no struggle, instead a submission to circumstances.
If anything, the having and ending of the 2 years have shown me it is all in the struggle. The struggle to not bow to facts and statistics, but battle for ur beliefs and what feels right. To not worry n calculate the future, but stick w what u want now despite logic showing u the door. If not, the 2 years wouldnt have existed.
Happiness comes from knowing when to sieze it and when to let go. Whatever is siezed must be let go of eventually.. Unhappiness comes from wanting the happiness that is here to be permanent.
Some days when i get out of the office, the air seems so cold and thin. Even the people on the bus seem cold and thin when really, its nothing personal. The house looks dark and empty with sounds fr the tv echoing off the walls and it is on these days i wonder what it is for, and though i need warmth most i just pull lazily on my shroud n wrap the cold thin air tighter ard.. before attempting to plunge into evasive sleep.
Though some nights are long n life a riddle, the sun will go on rising and setting.. bringing with it fair shares of cold thin air and warm breezes.
What matters is this:
In this journey to somewhere, I am Now Here. And Here I shall live.
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dreamed.at .|. 7:14 PM