Saturday, September 03, 2005
sharm n i saw lotsa cute lil ang moh kids today. i wanna have lots n lots of kids next time! k not tt many.. maybe bout 3.. to cuddle n love. set up my own nice n cosy family :] but for now i've got pebbles! hahah.
passion pursuit day was so cool! thought it was gonna be a flop but it turned out to be pretty interesting. its amazing, the kind of talents there are amongst our teachers.. teachers tt could rap real fast, play rock music, n others tt could sing opera, compose really gd songs, song writers.. n they shared their stories on how their passion came abt.. how they pursued it. we were all like wow.. who knew these grp of seemingly normal pple could be such interesting individuals? it has inspired me to want to do something more.. more things! n i've alr compiled a list of stuff i wanna do aft the As n beyond (: its never too late, life is wat we make of it. still, i feel resentful tt ive to put my life on hold now.. all this oppressiveness n restrictions have made me appreciate n yearn for the freedom tt would come w e end of the As more. oh well, all in good time..
been talking to several pple bout religion nowadays.. seems like lots of pple are interested in buddhism too. wow.. pleasant surprise. all these while i thought i was an oddity. all my frens, pple my age i knew all seemed to flock towards christianity. i cant say i wasnt tempted.. there were times when i felt like gg to see wat it was all about. n my frens were ever so persuasive too.
but my mum convinced me to give buddhism a try first before i explored other religions.. so i did. attended all tt classes w a bunch of kids who only spoke chinese. at first it was only to appease my mum but then i just learnt more n more stuff.. n these stuff made sense to me too. i could identify w it, it applied to life.. the life i knew. still, i had my doubts then.
my mums death exactly 2yrs ago made me turn to buddhism more.. it was a turning pt of sorts. suddenly i had to put wat i learnt into practice. all tt stuff bout impermance, learning to let go etc. even now, 4 yrs aft i first knew abt buddhism i feel like i can hardly call myself a buddhist. a striving buddhist more like it. im grazing the tips of wat is a very vast n deep ocean. n i cant say i've been trying hard enough either.. busy caught up the dumb routines of life. the teachings in buddhism are also pretty hard to put into practice.. cos im like super imperfect n stuff. but oh well, if the aspiration is there, nths impossible. (: n the knowledge tt other pple are too striving is helpful too. :]
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dreamed.at .|. 2:55 AM