Tuesday, May 24, 2005
of a lotus
"
Nothing whatsoever should be clung on to as I or mine" - the Buddha.
celebrated vesak day on sun. late sat night too actually. it was soo cool. i love the great buddha compassion hall.. the place where i spent 2wks plus on a retreat. makes me feel all like i wanna be good n never be bad again. hahah. okay save the scathing remarks please. :)
since sec sch i wanted to have a proper religion..cos i felt tt smths missing in my life. and all my frens were like christians n catholics. quite pious too n they seem to have a lot of fun in church so i wanted to go try it out. but my parents were buddhist.. my mum especially devout.. and she told me that its ok if i wanted to try other religions out but i shld give buddhism a try first too. so i did. she signed me, sis n cousins up for phor khark see sunday sch. hahah. (name quite funny but wats in a name?) and i didnt really like it. think its mostly cos of my peers.. spoke lots of chinese n a mixture of dunno wat dialects. laughed at things which i didnt find funny.. we were just on different wave length lahh. only a few of us who could appreciate each other stuck tog. but i stuck w it cos i was interested in the teachings.. n the teachers were good n nice. i could appreciate n relate to the buddhas teachings but still smth didnt quite click. u can read abt stuff in textbks but still it doesnt feel real to u right?
im not sure when the turning pt came.. perhaps its fr through life experience or when u see it with ur own eyes. its often the times when life starts to get not so bright n sunny n when the rain starts coming in when u look to religion for an explanation of some sort. when i saw how she dealt w all those moments of acute pain. felt her strong unwavering faith, the strength and courage in which she faced up to it all. the calm acceptance amidst all that terrifying turmoil. she took it so sliently, so strongly, so uncomplaining tt we never really knew how much she suffered. facing her pains, just it and her in the darkened room. its tt determination, acceptance n faith tt left the most impression on me... and through all this, its been clear that the buddhas teachings have guided her. i want to have that wisdom too.. and form tt connection tt was n is so dear to her. still rem when gd intentioned pple tried to convert her last min, she mustered a resounding no.
she told me once..
'i was born a buddhist and i will die one.'so these days when my frens talk bout church n stuff, i dont feel tt urge to try it out anymore. i dont feel the need to conform, to experience wat it is all abt.. tho i still find other religions interesting. and although hardly any young pple like me understand what buddhism is.. (or even want to try and understand) and though it is not that accessible and has a rather superstitious and old-ah-mah image.. n i know of lotsa pple whose parents are buddhist but claim theyve free-thinkers. i know buddhism for what it is and am not afraid of declaring anymore tt im a buddhist :) though i still have lots to learn. i have no intention of persuading anyone to any religion...you have to try it out for urself.
kalama sutta- never believe anything simply because you are told it is so.
wow its a long entry. hahah. good on u if u got this far. heheh:] had a great long wkend anw... wat w vesak day, gg out... n jill coming over! [u perv!] :) just wanna reply to tags.
jill- hahah. u nose biter! you've THE hot babe man. :D
mr zuel- hey! :) yeah i guess so... thanks for tagging!
sharm-hahah. yay i like my new template too! n uve not unpoetic... please.
shubei!- hahah. i know... still cant fully get over it. its gonna be ur turn soon. u've it! :)
sokie- yum yum porridge :]
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dreamed.at .|. 3:05 AM